FINAL THOUGHTS


Well, I've just kicked the chair away and have perhaps a few moments to consider everything, get it all into a bit of perspective I suppose, where to begin, I think that the main problem is this idea that we have some kind of right to do exactly as we please, we find ourselves ever in search of pleasure yet nothing actually does please, brooding the type of anxiety that I expect would not be found in the minds of our ancestral land manipulating tribes where its obvious from birth the direct rewards from your work, in no doubt either would be the cause to which you would be expected to fight to the death for, trained warrior, fight ready, yes lack of battle does breed a certain lack of purpose, instinct conflict, for what else has the human evolved believing if not to wear the colours of the clan and hold our victory, football thug substitute, it just all so, so boring these days, war, we fight wars through our televisions, half hour heroes, then it becomes rather tiresome and find a preferred mediocrity, and just like that, its not happening any more, with peace there is no objective, no life objective, more a money based objective where things we don't need are built by the machine operators in exchange for money which they can use to buy back things we don't need for an inflated price, though there are some of us that make things, actually produce a physical result, building a house for example, something of significance, yet ironically the people who don't actually make anything, those who's work, work they call it! moving money from one place to another, seem to be moving most of it their way, oh well let them! Im off now, no use being bitter at a time like this, maybe though I could have chosen a more dramatic way to go, like leaping from a great height, I wonder how that sensation would feel, the ground approaching at unstoppable speeds, the adrenaline of it, the view for one thing, then, splat. ha! IÕd probably spend the whole time wondering if maybe I should have hung! There, the funny side of it all, humour, a lifetime of wishing my misery to go and it does as I think my final thoughts, typical of me, to wait until the very last moment to realise the whole thing is but a joke, and see what a punch line I invented, I blame childhood, at some point in childhood I must have believed it was all one day going to be satisfactory some how, and with such expectations that got built up, oh how I built them, future video tapes of laughter location love and all that other ridiculous stuff that never happens, damn, I should have put some music on, what would I have chosen, I can never decide on important matters such as that, no, see, I really don't deserve to...